I have spent a lot of my career trying to get people to say yes.
Yes, I'll take the call. Yes, I'm interested. Yes, I'll interview. Yes, I'll accept the offer. Yes, I'll show up Monday morning.
In recruiting, yes feels like progress.
No feels like something went wrong.
I'm starting to wonder if we have that backward.
I've been reading and thinking more about some of the ideas in Chris Voss Never Split the Difference, particularly the idea of giving people permission to say no.
At first, I looked at it mostly as a negotiation technique. Then I started thinking about recruiting, trust, and the conversations we have with people when we're asking them to make some pretty significant decisions about their lives.
Maybe we spend too much time trying to make people comfortable saying yes.
What happens when we make them comfortable saying no?
No creates space.
If you know you can tell me no, you still have some control over the conversation. You don't have to figure out what answer I'm looking for. You don't have to tell me what you think a recruiter wants to hear. You don't have to protect my feelings about the company or the opportunity.
You can disagree with me. That's when I might actually start learning something.
A candidate says, "I need more money."
Is that really about money?
Another says, "I don't want to travel."
How much travel actually becomes a problem?
"I'm happy where I am."
Does that mean there is nothing that would make you consider leaving?
"I need to think about it."
What are you thinking about?
We explain the opportunity again. We remind someone about the benefits. We defend the compensation. We talk about growth. We start solving a problem before we're even sure we understand the problem.
Sometimes we might even negotiate against ourselves. This week I've been thinking about a different response. Ask another question. Not because I'm trying to cleverly turn someone's no into a yes. Because I actually want to understand the no.
That distinction matters.
I've been developing a recruiting framework I call PATH. Purpose. Alignment. Trust. Hire.
The T has been on my mind this week.
I've always believed trust comes from honesty, listening, transparency, and being willing to have the uncomfortable parts of the conversation.
I think I would add something now.
Trust also comes from knowing you are allowed to disagree with me.
Maybe one of the clearest signs that someone trusts us isn't that they finally feel comfortable saying yes.
Maybe it's that they feel completely safe telling us no. That changes the recruiter's job. A no doesn't automatically become an objection to overcome. It becomes something worth understanding.
What doesn't work? What am I missing? What would have to be different? Is there something you're hesitant to tell me?
Those questions aren't only gathering information.
They're giving something back. Space.
And sometimes space is exactly what a conversation needs before someone is willing to tell us the truth.
I've spent years thinking successful recruiting conversations were the ones that moved people forward. I'm beginning to wonder if that's incomplete.
Sometimes the best conversation probably should end with a no.
Wrong opportunity. Wrong timing. Wrong manager. Wrong compensation. Wrong expectations.
Finding that out before someone accepts an offer seems a lot better than discovering it three months after they start.
So maybe Better Hiring Conversations aren't the conversations that produce more yeses.( not sure if that's how we spell yeses or yes's)
Maybe they're the conversations that get us closer to the truth.
And sometimes the truth is no.